Wedding Vows / Marriage Vows - are they important or are they just words?
Vows - they strike terror in the heart’s of some people!. Public speaking, declarations of love, trying to say things that will move and deeply impact the heart of their lover.
So just how important are marriage vows? Are they worth losing sleep over? Are these words really life changing?
The answer is YES and NO!
Firstly, let’s look at the legal requirements of a Marriage ceremony - in regards to the wedding vows you both need to say the words ‘I call upon the people here present to witness that I (first, last name) take you (first, last name) to be my lawful wedded husband/wife/spouse/partner in marriage.’ Then after these words are said, you can add in as many or as few words as you want to say for your wedding vows.
The YES camp
These are the words that you will base your whole marriage on! Not really, but they are pretty important! Let me give you some reasons why-
Ummmm, hello - uber romantic!!
Wedding vows are a real chance to publicly declare what you love about each other and that opportunity doesn’t roll around many times in your life.
Marriage vows are the start of a lifelong conversation about what marriage means to you. You both walk into marriage with pre-formed ideas of what it will be, shaped by years of external influence, examples of marriages around you and most of all ideas of what you want it to be. So being able to express these ideas in a short and succinct way, can be a conversation that is expanded upon for many years to come.
The NO camp
If wedding vows aren’t important to either of you, then I implore you not to spend any time thinking that you ‘should’ or ‘have to’ have them in your ceremony, because you don’t. Historical, tradition based pressure, or as some like to call it, generational trauma, should stop with you. Don’t make your kids say marriage vows because they knew you did and they thought it was important to you. Quit the ‘have too’ now, so the future generation don’t feel any restrictive ‘have to’s’ on their wedding day.
The YES and No camp
The most important aspect of wedding vows is that you both agree on just how important marriage vows are during your ceremony. If they are important to your partner, then you need to make sure you place the same value and importance on them as they do. And if your partner doesn’t think that wedding vows are important, and you don’t either, then why waste your time - keep it to the simple legal vows.
And that’s the secret to a successful marriage, it’s not about having the same interests as your partner, or the same talents or the same dress sense, it’s simply about respecting what’s important to your partner at their core.
And don’t forget the delivery of your wedding vows! So many suggestions here for you! Just a couple-
-Work out your wedding vows together, have a discussion about what marriage means to you and what you want to promise to each other, in front of all of your family and friends
-Surprise each other! Work out what you would like to say and then say them to each other for the first time on your wedding day. If you need someone to look over them first to make sure they are along the same lines, same length, same level of seriousness then I am happy to do that for you! And i can even bring them along on the day for you, so you have one less thing to worry about!
-Say your legal vows aloud then hand each other handwritten vows to read during your ceremony, so they are super sweet and secretive, and hold hands while you do, OH MY HEART!
-Walk away from your ceremony and speak your vows to each other, then take a moment and come back, this works especially well during an elopement, after all you are making promises to each other!